Meeting a jury member who voted for my death

Talk with Donald Dillbeck, 30 years on death row in Florida

The questions were asked by Ines Aubert, Switzerland, 2020

Don, you told me that one of the jury members wrote to you after the trial. Can you tell us how that unfolded?

The juror member’s name was Betty. Right after the verdict, she approached my attorney and asked him if it would be okay if she wrote me, so he asked me and I said yes. I don’t recall how long after I was sentenced to death that she wrote me, but she did at some point.

You said that jury members, too, wind up being silent victims. Can you elaborate on that?

What I meant by juror members also become silent victims of crimes.
They are going about living their lives and then they get notice they have to report to jury duty as their civic duty. Now, if it happens to be a death penalty case, it means the responsibility is thrust on them to decide whether or not a person should be able to live, or should they be killed. This here is a very heavy burden to be thrust on anyone’s shoulders, and it’s a decision they will have to live with.  I’m sure that they must always be doubting if the decision they made, especially if it was for death, was the right choice and may even lead to deep regret. So, by just having this put on them makes them too a victim of sorts, especially if it really weighs on their conscious.

You show a lot of compassion to the jury members, the people who sentenced you to death. I would not have anticipated that.

I can’t even begin to tell you of all the mistakes and bad decisions I’ve made along this journey. When we learn self-compassion and understanding, it sure makes it easier to not be as judgmental towards others. Even though the choice of life and death has the appearance of being so permanent, it really isn’t. I have to believe that, in a misguided way, the jurors really thought it was the right choice. And once again, I and I alone have full ownership of both my life and death; now and in the end, I’m the only one who has this responsibility. 

The jury member even came visit you sometime later. What did the talk revolve around?

When Betty came to see me, the conversation was mostly about her life, such as being married for decades, being a substitute teacher, her choir, being a blood donor and not having so much as a cold for years and some history on her family. We had a very good conversation, and she revealed that she was one of the jury members who voted for death. So, she was looking for some absolution, which I gave to her, because I strongly felt that I put myself here and can’t blame anyone else. She told me if there was anything she could do to help my lawyers in my appeals, she would do it. We shared a bag of popcorn, and also played a game of Scrabble if I’m not mistaken.

I must say, I’m surprised, to say the least, to imagine you sitting in the visit park of the death row wing, eating popcorn and you giving a jury member who helped to sentence you to death absolution for sentencing you to death. Let me think about that for a second.

I have always thought that strong bonds are created through bad actions, even murder. A victim and their offender – something will connect them forever. Betty wanting absolution from you proves she felt that connection, right? She could have asked a spiritual advisor or pastor for absolution.

Did Betty actually change her mind and regretted voting for the death penalty?

We are all much more connected to each other than what we imagine. Do I think because she wanted absolution, she felt this connection? That is a very strong possibility. For sure though, it speaks volumes about her character. For all I know, she did have conversations with her pastor, but still felt it was me from whom she needed absolution. Her telling me she would help with my appeals if she could indicates that she had a change of heart.

Do you know in which ways Betty’s life changed after she was a jury member and/or after she met with you?

I really can’t say how her life was affected after she was a jury member, but no doubt the whole situation must have weighed upon her or she wouldn’t have wanted to reach out to me. Afterwards, I hope she had some peace of mind. We only wrote a couple of times after the visit, she found an elderly gentleman and started a relationship with him; he wasn’t so keen on her writing me, so we stopped writing. I do believe she received closure, and that’s all that matters.

You seem very selfless. What is it that you care about in your life the most?

You say I seem selfless. I’m not, rather I see myself as self-more or self-full. When we learn to expand our hearts to include other people through empathy and consideration, our sense of self expands. What used to seem a small disconnected self appears large and inclusive. What is it in my life I care about the most? For me this is a very simple question to answer: my heart and soul. Plus, love and the Source that is the wellspring from where they flow. These are the greatest treasures any of us can have, that is if we give them a chance to grow.

When you look back at the encounter with Betty, what importance do you give it in your life?

You know when my lawyer asked me if I would write her, I was under the assumption that she was one of the four who voted for life. Had I known she was one of the eight who voted for death, I wouldn’t have had the maturity to get past my hurt at that time, from being sentenced to death, and I would never have agreed to write her. Through our correspondence, I was able to see her as a person rather than a perceived enemy, as it would have been so easy to do for someone in my situation. This whole experience wound up being a blessing that I cherish.

Is there anything you would like to tell other inmates in a similar situation?

It really is so easy to get caught up in our own pain and feeling that it’s so unfair what happened by being sentenced to death, and who doesn’t agree with that? If we were the jury member rather than the one sentenced, would we do it differently? Now especially since this has been our experience, most would be quick to say ‘I don’t believe in the death penalty! So no, I wouldn’t have voted for death or even have convicted the person!’ Let’s take a minute and look at this, the moment someone snitches, isn’t it so easy to have thoughts or feelings of what should be done to them? What about child molesters, isn’t it easy to think what big monsters they are, and think it’s okay to hurt or do worse to them? Isn’t this basically the same thing a juror did to us and it’s terrible, yet when we judge a snitch or child molester, then it’s okay? The bottom line is that we are not so different after all, because it’s the exact same spirit or feelings of righteous indignation flowing through us, that the jurors experienced. I wouldn’t tell anyone they should or should not do anything. This includes having understanding for a juror because for most, that’s way too far of a stretch. But these words being planted, there is no telling what may grow at one time or another.

Thank you very much, Don, for sharing this interesting story with us. I wish you all the best!

Download this article

Interview with Andy – My pen friend Carmen single-handedly saved my life

Ines Aubert talked with Andy, 42 years old, on death row in Florida for 19 years, 2019

How long have you been writing to your pen friend Carmen?

I honestly can’t say how long I’ve been writing to Carmen. I believe it’s been around 7 years. I would feel really bad about not knowing. But I don’t think she will know either.

What do you usually talk about?

What Carmen and I usually talk about is our lives and what’s going on and how we are feeling, but there really isn’t any topic that’s off limits with us. We shy away from nothing and keep it brutally honest with one another. Because of our honesty, we have become each other’s confidant on matters we usually keep to ourselves. We have grown to feed off each other’s point of view. I need to hear her thoughts on certain topics because I trust her views and advice.

At what point did you realize that she would be a stable friend in your life?

I knew right away Carmen was going to be a stable friend (as long as I didn’t run her off, that is). In Carmen’s first letter, she put me down by saying I wasn’t getting any visits, money, pictures, only letters! It really shocked me, but also made me smile at the same time. Carmen is 100% honest and 100% authentic. That’s what I love about her. She has a heart that’s solid gold and I have come to trust it because she always has my best interest at heart. That first year of our friendship was a power struggle. She had set up so many boundaries with me. And I had no choice but to prove myself to her because she wasn’t letting me in otherwise. Fast forward to today, Carmen is my best friend. She is so stable that if I don’t hear from her, I don’t feel right in life. We are so close she knows this. So yeah, I knew pretty early on, but she was just so stubborn with me!

Can you explain to me in what ways Carmen was supposed to contribute to your trial?

Carmen was supposed to contribute to my trial in a very critical way, as my character witness. Which means she would take the witness stand in front of the jury and tell her story about us and how she views me as a person. It’s a tactic the defendant’s lawyers use to do what we call humanize the defendant to the jury. In other words, to get the jury to see me as normal human beings instead of this monster the state says I am.

How did you feel knowing you would put her in a very stressful situation? I have never heard of anyone else doing that for their friend in prison.

Carmen and I had talked about this. I was worried for her because our judicial system is so different from yours. Our state prosecutors are very nasty and it’s their job to win cases. They care about little else. I told Carmen all my fears, which entailed her saying the wrong thing or not truly understanding questions or just the stress he would place on her for speaking on my behalf. They don’t simply ask questions, they attack you. Carmen means a lot to me and if I’m honest about the situation, I believed I was going to be given the death penalty again. We have a saying “Hope for the best but expect the worst”. That was my frame of mind. My fears of Carmen testifying came from that place.

I was worried that if she took the stand and I was sentenced to death again, she would be an emotional wreck and devastated. I didn’t want her having those thoughts of “Could I have done more, or did I say the wrong thing?” So, I decided to not use her as a witness. I knew she would be disappointed. Only I didn’t want to put her through that stress.

Upon telling my attorneys my decision, they immediately argued with me saying I made or am making a mistake. We debated it for a good hour, and I ended up changing my mind because they showed me how they planned on using her and truth be told, Carmen couldn’t hurt my case because I had already been given a death sentence. I asked Carmen again if she would help me out and testify on my behalf. Carmen didn’t hesitate; she said, yes, of course.

Carmen in fact did tell her story at your trial. How was it for you that she was able to support you in such a way?

Carmen testifying at my sentencing was very humbling. To expect of my friends with whom I’ve grown up since early childhood, it’s not a stretch of the imagination to think they would speak kindly on my behalf. We grew up together and shared many experiences with one another, which brought us closer and strengthened our bonds. With Carmen and I, we didn’t meet or hear each other’s voices until five years into our friendship. That made our connection mental or emotional. I never thought, much less believed, that these types of connection could be as strong as physical ones. Seeing Carmen testify to the jury and how she moved them with her accounts of our friendship, I see I was wrong. She showed me how true friends interact with one another. At that moment, I felt extremely blessed to be one of Carmen’s good friends.

Carmen wrote about the trial: “After they started laughing when I had talked about an anecdote, I got the impression that the jurors were listening and that I could connect to at least some of them.” How was it for you to see her on the screen and to hear her tell an anecdote?

Whether it was by design or not: telling that story of my wasting money by sending it to her after she sent it to me, it gave the jury what they needed: a good belly laugh in a grim situation.
I agree with Carmen, too. She made a connection to the jury, but just didn’t realize what that connection to the jury was. Carmen has battled with me to show her remorse or responsibility for my actions, and I assure you the jury was looking to me for the same thing. That’s what you need to hear and see when deciding someone’s fate. I never took the stand though. So how do you suppose the jury decided to vote to spare my life instead of condemning me? How did their questions get answered? A criminal has two lives: one before the crime and one after the crime. That’s just how it works. Society only cares about the person you are or have become after your crime. Carmen was the only one who took the stand who had gotten to know me after my crimes were committed. Nobody else but my family knows the man I am today and Carmen making the jury laugh over stories of our friendship was great. Carmen made me just another human being in life, not some monster who should be put to death.

Can you judge what impact Carmen’s statement had?

Carmen’s testimony was so strong that the state’s prosecutor didn’t even want to question her. That’s how badly they wanted Carmen off the stand. Why she became so vital to the jury and ended up being a nail in the state’s case. Carmen is an educated woman. She is very intelligent and seeing her in person, her beauty and youth will take you by surprise. These women are not supposed to be writing to or saying such good things about a death row inmate! It made the jury pause and listen to her. Carmen is 100% authentic. When she speaks, she speaks with conviction and you just believe her.

Carmen also had another element that no other witness of mine had: she was a new friend, someone I met after I committed my crimes. Only Carmen could testify that the man I was the night I committed these crimes is not the same man she has gotten to know or has become dear friends with… If you ask me, Carmen single-handedly got me a life sentence and saved my life.

I’ve shown your answers to Carmen and she was moved by your appreciative words about her. She also stated that you are exaggerating. That she only was one of many witnesses and that you are idealizing her. What do you think about her statement?

It doesn’t surprise me at all that Carmen says I’m exaggerating or idealizing her. I assure you that neither is the case. Carmen doesn’t like people giving her praise. She does like recognition, but not too much. She is very modest in accepting credit.

Carmen is right though: I had many other witnesses in my case, so to her, she shouldn’t be placed any higher than the next. Carmen loves to downplay her role. If she will just realize one simple fact though: the way in which she spoke to the jury with passion and conviction, those same feelings are how I view Carmen. So, when I speak about her or us, I want to make sure the readers understand who she is and how much she means to me.

I’m really impressed by yours and Carmen’s story. Do you think that other inmates could profit from a pen friend being a character witness? What would the conditions be for it to turn out well?

Yes, I do believe other inmates can benefit from their pen pals being a character witness for them.

As for the conditions and what they need to be in order for it to turn out well for them, that’s a tricky question to answer because each case has its own unique issues that makes them so different in the jury’s eyes: how the crime was carried out, who the victim is, etc. Each issue changes the dynamics of a case and its defense. Witnesses are used in many different ways. Pertaining to my case, we used a very specific defense that was designed to beat the death penalty. The jury I picked was there to do one thing: come up with a proper sentence for me for my crimes, which is either life or death. Whether I was guilty or not was not an issue with this jury. I was given a new penalty phase not a new guilt phase. That basically means I’m just here to get my sentence and the jury already knows I’m guilty of these crimes.
That’s why our focus was on using many witnesses as possible to garner sympathy from the jury, because all we needed was for one of the twelve jurors to vote for life.

Our pen pals are great witnesses due to the fact they have intimate knowledge of us “after” our alleged crimes. Their being character witnesses on our behalf carries a lot of weight with a jury because they want to know who we are after having committed these crimes. In my case, my pen friend Carmen painted a great picture to the jury about who I was to her… through her testimony I became human and not the monster I was made out to be. So, yes! Others can absolutely benefit from their pen pals testifying on their behalf!

Thank you, Andy, for answering all the questions. I wish you all the best in your future.

Download this article

“The jury is deliberating” – An interview with Miranda about being a jury member in Florida

The questions were asked by Carmen and Ines Aubert, Switzerland, 2019

In December 2000, 22-year-old Anthony killed an elderly couple, his two former neighbors. He tied up the couple, tried to extort money, tortured and killed them.

Miranda, you got to know Carmen as a juror of her pen friend Andy’s case. At the trial, she was present via Skype.  You kindly agreed that I may ask you a few questions. How old are you, and what do you do for a living?

I’m 22 about to be 23 and I’m a childcare teacher for a living. 

In Switzerland, we have a completely different legal system. There is, for instance, no Supreme Court, and we don’t have jurors involved in trials. Can you describe how you became involved in this, which processes you had to go through, and what it is like to be a jury member? What did you do during those Court days?

To be on jury duty, the courts draw our license number by random selection. A large group of people show up one day, and they start the elimination process by asking questions. If a person does not fit their criteria, they let them go. For us, it was a 7-day process because there were over one hundred people who were picked for this case. What we did all day was literally sit in a room and wait and wait and wait until they called us upstairs and asked us questions. Some days we didn’t even see them, we just had to go home but were still there for “jury duty”.

Were you allowed to go home in the evening and talk with others about it? Do you think jurors can be influenced by media, friends, actually anybody who has an interest in influencing?

We were strictly not allowed to talk about the case in any way with anybody – no friends, no other jurors, nobody. We were not allowed to be influenced by the media or anyone else who had an interest in the case… We could only base our vote on the evidence  shown during the “trial”.

How did you ensure that you were not influenced by the media?

I didn’t view any media sources, and made sure that I didn’t look up anything about the case! 

What was the atmosphere like in the jury and in the courtroom in general?  

It was a very depressing case. There was a lot of evidence to go on with a lot of information being thrown at us. There were many gruesome photos from his past, his family’s past, and of many other things. Personally, I cried at least ten times within two days.

What made you decide to give Andy life without parole? Did you have this tendency from the beginning? If not, what made you change your mind?

From the beginning I was of the mindset to give Andy life without parole. But it changed in the middle of the trial upon seeing the photos and everything that he did to those two people. But then I weighed it against all of the things that he had to deal with in the past, such as in R. and his mom abusing him, his PTSD and not getting counseling, the drugs, and alcohol, all of that definitely had a factor in it.

«The jury is deliberating». What were you actually doing all these hours? Can you describe which arguments/witnesses were crucial for the jury members? Did you feel pressured?

We were back in the room arguing, which is all we did. We went over the facts, and everybody was allowed to remain on the jury. We went over the evidence one by one and discussed it. There were five of us who said the whole time that we are only going to give him life, we will not give him the death penalty. And because it was not unanimously decided that he should receive the death penalty, then we were to give him life without parole. It was rough sitting in there being a part of that deliberation because it went on for so long and everyone was getting so antsy and ready to leave. Everyone was just arguing and arguing and arguing. I almost fell asleep just to escape it.

Can you describe to me how the room you were deliberating in looks like?

It was small, had two tables, two very plain bathrooms, a coffee pot, a laptop to view the evidence, and a water jug.  I don’t know why the room was set up like that, but it’s probably because they need us to concentrate on making such a huge decision. They don’t want a bunch of distraction in there. They did feed us on deliberation day!

On an emotional level, what was it like to be a jury member?

It was hard. You really have to be strong-minded and have patience because it was a long process and it is a lot to take in. I cried at least twice a day. It was rough to see and hear a lot of the things I did, but I got through it like a champ.

Did Carmen’s testimony have an impact on any of the jurors?

I honestly cannot speak for the other jurors, but for me it did. Her testimony showed how kind and loving he is, a caring person to someone whom he didn’t even know at the time. I’m very happy that he can still have that being a part of him while he is locked up in prison.

Carmen wrote in her text about the trial: “Originally, I asked Mike for an interpreter, but we decided that the effect would be greater if I could address the jury directly, and if I had difficulties to understand questions or to formulate an answer, I’d simply say so. “

Did you think that Carmen talking herself instead of through an interpreter was a good decision?

Yes! It made me personally love that day. It made me happy to be able to see what Carmen looked like and her facial expressions when she talked about Andy! It made us think about our decision and its impact on Andy’s life! 

About the people in the courtroom Carmen wrote: “Some of them looked grumpy and seemed tired, others seemed focused and ready to take notes. I also saw Mike who asked the questions and, for a brief moment the state’s prosecutors. Andy was in the room as well, but I couldn’t see him.” How was it for you to see Carmen on the screen?

I personally loved it! I loved the memories they shared, I loved how happy she was to be his friend, I loved Andy’s smile when Carmen was talking about him. He loved seeing her face and hearing her voice! The whole process was phenomenal.

What memory will stick in your mind after the experience of being a juror?

The graphic photographs shown, and the fact that I made two really good friends out of this experience.

Can you please give an example of a graphic photo?

One of the photos showed the bodies and how they were sliced open, one showed pools of blood; all were extremely graphic photos. They informed us of the dimensions of the cuts and showed us everything, such as their faces having been beaten in and their throats slashed!

That sounds horrible and I wouldn’t want to see it. What advice would you give someone who’s picked as a juror?

Be patient. Like I said earlier, it’s a long process and a lot to deal with. It’s very hard, and if you aren’t stable, it isn’t something you should try to handle. It was hard on all of us. Some of the jurors literally turned away because they couldn’t stand looking at the gruesome photos.

You have been very brave in your role as a juror. Thank you very much, Miranda, for answering all of my questions. I wish you all the best.

Download this article

Trial over life and death – The story of how I ended up taking the stand for my penpal

By Carmen, 27 years old, Switzerland, 2019

The probability that I would have to experience how my death row pen friend Andy is killed by capital punishment was high. I knew that even before I started this penpalship. Being aware of that should have made it easier for me to deal with it – at least in theory. What made it very difficult for me was to see how he suffered under his penalty. The thought of getting this ultimate punishment freaked him out and shook him to the core over and over again. The burden of that sentence laid heavily on him, his family and his friends (including me).

Andy was sentenced to death, but because of some mistakes made by the state’s attorneys during his last trial, he received an appeal. Consequently, there was still a chance that he would receive life in prison and wouldn’t be executed by the state of Florida. The state’s prosecutors and Andy’s attorneys needed years to get ready to go back to court. All the evidence had to be brought up again and a new jury had to be selected.

One day Andy asked me if it would be okay for me to be contacted by his lawyers. They intended to find out if I were suitable to testify on his behalf. He also stressed that he didn’t expect me to do that. I didn’t really know how I could possibly contribute, because he committed his crimes way before meeting me. However, I didn’t have to think for a second about taking the stand for him. All the time I felt like a passive, helpless observer, who could only watch how he drew nearer to facing his fate. Getting the chance to become active and fight for my friend’s life felt totally right.

His chief public defender, Mike, and an assistant called for a phone conference and we had a long talk, in which they primarily wanted to hear everything about our penpalship and how I viewed Andy. At the end of the call, Mike told me it could help Andy to have me taking the stand for him. We remained in contact, I sent them extracts of letters, drawings he created for me and wrote about the many situations in which he has proven to be a caring human being and a true friend. Andy was not convinced that it would be a good idea to have me on the stand as his witness, as he believes I have some views about him that he can live with, but that he doesn’t want his jury to hear. His attorneys saw that differently and had to talk him into it. Not an easy task, especially because Andy wanted to fire his attorneys and didn’t trust them. They eventually succeeded. I had no clue about the American legal system, but I perceived Andy’s lawyers differently than he did. My impression was that his public defenders showed a lot of passion and effort to do everything in their power to get him a life sentence. I skyped and phoned with his attorneys a couple of times more, and they informed me what I could expect question-wise, what their strategy would be and how I should handle questions from the state’s attorney. I became a little nervous when I had a phone conference with Mike plus two state’s attorneys who had the right to question me before the actual trial. It went well, and the questioning was fair and respectful.

A year passed from the first contact with his lawyers to the actual trial. I don’t have trouble with speaking in front of people, but I have to admit that I felt tremendously pressured to be as good as somehow possible so as to not damage Andy by any means, but help him to get closer to a life sentence. Being aware that my testimony would only be a little piece in the whole puzzle of his defense helped me to calm down and focus. I was very grateful to have had the opportunity to fight for the life of my friend, a human being who absolutely doesn’t deserve to die like that! No matter what impact my testimony might have at the end or not: At least I got the chance to try to do what I could. Taking the stand for Andy and having the jury, who eventually decide over his life or death, listen to me is probably the most meaningful act I’ve done in my 27 years of living so far.

One week before my testimony, the jury had already been selected and Andy’s trial had started. I got the possibility to have a 30-minute video talk with him. A friend of mine I wanted to introduce to Andy was with me. Andy wasn’t in good shape. He was convinced he was going to lose the trial and receive the death penalty again. He literally broke down in front of the camera. It hurt badly to see him like that. I was so worried myself that I couldn’t even find some comforting words and we just sat there, feeling desperate…

It was possible to testify via Skype. I was told that they might video call me around 9 pm my time. Gosh, was I jumpy! My flat mates cooked dinner for me and talked to me in English, so that it might be easier to express myself in English later. Originally, I asked Mike for an interpreter, but we decided that the effect would be greater if I were able to address the jury directly and that in case that I had difficulties to understand questions or formulate an answer, I’d simply say so. At 9 I got a message from Mike saying that the prosecutors were still cross-examining another witness and that it will probably take another 20 minutes. After half an hour, he texted that the prosecutors are still not finished and it might be that my testimony will be postponed until the next day, as the Court usually closes at 5 pm (10 pm my time).

At 10 pm, just as I was sure that I would testify the next day, I received the Skype call. I was sitting on my bed at home when I first talked to Mike on his notebook, who informed me that the jury had a short break until they return. Meanwhile, the notebook was handed to the judge and I had to swear to her “to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God”. After that, it became even more awkward. The judge and I looked at each other and didn’t know what to say, as we had to wait for the jurors to return. Mike organized that I could be seen on a larger screen. When the jury returned, I saw them from the side while they were looking up on their left side to see me on the screen. I saw numerous people. Black and white, young and old, skinny and overweight, men and women. Some of them seemed grumpy and appeared tired, others seemed focused and ready to take notes. I also saw Mike who asked the questions, and briefly the state’s prosecutors. Andy was in the room as well, but I couldn’t see him.

I didn’t know exactly what he was going to ask, but he told me to simply be me and answer his questions honestly and extensively but to keep it as short as possible when the prosecutors were asking questions. As soon as the questioning officially started, I was as cool as a cucumber. I felt totally confident and ready to let the jury hear what I had to say. After giving the jury some information about me (job, residence, age …) Mike’s questions became more open. I told them about how we got to know each other. About the doubts I had at the beginning, but how Andy had proven over the years to be a true friend to me. I told them about my cancer diagnosis and how Andy supported me through this time, about how Andy helped me out with a pupil of mine, about the visits, the countless cards he drew for me and some other experiences we shared together. After they started laughing when I spoke about an anecdote, I got the impression that the jurors were listening and that I could connect to at least some of them. After maybe 25 minutes, Mike had no further questions and it was up to the prosecutors to cross-examine me. However, they refrained from doing so. With that my testimony was over sooner than I’d expected it to be and the Skype call ended.

I was okay. I did what I could, but I had no clue how Mike and his team perceived my testimony. I also had no idea if Andy stands a chance to get a life sentence or not. In the end, he only needs one juror to vote for life in order to receive  a life sentence. However, since Andy was beaten down on the video visit and convinced of getting death, just like at his first trial where every single juror voted for death, I really didn’t know how this was going to turn out. I texted Mike, and he replied hours later that he was working with Andy on their strategy until after midnight and that I did amazingly well. He expected that the jury would deliberate two days later and soon come to a decision. Andy’s sister texted me, too and thanked me for my friendship toward her brother.

Two days later, in the evening, I received a message from Mike that the jury had now started deliberating. I couldn’t close an eye anymore, but it took many hours more until the jury came to their verdict. 3 times LIFE in prison!!! 5 out of 12 jurors voted against the Death Penalty. He got off the hook!

I was incredibly happy and could only imagine how relieved Andy and his family must have felt. Concurrently, the victim’s family has occupied my mind. For people who must have suffered beyond my imagination and believe in revenge by way of the Death Penalty, it must have been horrible to go through all the evidence again and relive the past with the result that Andy received a life sentence. That’s a hard slap in the face and I feel with them as well. I deeply hope that they find closure one day, and that Andy manages to use this chance he has received to live a better life.

The next day I called Mike to say thanks for his work and dedication, and he was obviously very satisfied as well. During following days, I started to realize how odd and absent-minded I was during the past 2 or 3 weeks and slowly found my way back into my daily routine, still feeling this deep happiness. After talking to Mike, I found out that my testimony most likely had a positive impact on the verdict and that Andy presumably would also have gotten a life sentence without me, because some of the jurors had already shown signs of voting on his behalf before I even took the stand.

Andy himself was very relieved, light-hearted and expressed his happiness to have me at his side as his friend. Soon after, he got transferred to another prison where he had to stay for about a month until it was decided in which prison he will have to serve his life sentence. To live your life in a US prison without having a lot of money and trying to stay out of trouble seems to be harsh and a daily struggle. The perspective of enduring this for your entire life doesn’t really lift one’s spirit either. It’s Andy’s reality.

A paragraph from Andy’s latest letter says:

“I have lost all my freedom and access to the free world forever. If that doesn’t cause a man to give up all hope and respect for others, I don’t know what will…Butt my pen pals have given me a sense of purpose or belonging. That’s huge in here because it has allowed me to hold on to my dreams! I’m your friend, which means I have a place out there. Maybe not physically as a free man, butt I have a purpose in life. I need to continue to be the better man and prepare myself for whatever is asked of me by those who need me. That means I can’t give up in here! People actually rely on me. I credit you and my other pen pals for keeping me sane in this madness…” Reading this, I know that Andy’s path with its ups and downs will continue, just as mine will. Being part of his path and seeing him grow is rewarding. It’s equally nice to have him as a reliable friend who is leading me back on my path whenever I show tendencies of drifting off. I’m thankful for having this man in my life and am curious as to what the future will bring.

Download this article